Abuelita

I have to be honest; when I decided to come to Tijuana I did sort of have a romanticized vision of what I would find. I planned to make friends with local vendors and joke with them about Mexican things in Spanish, I hoped to learn the cooking secrets of authentic Mexican dishes from real Mexican women, I envisioned myself using my past experiences and talents to do all kinds of creative things with the kids (like start a choir), and I had a very specific image of a very old, wrinkly, wise, affectionate, Mexican abuelita (Grandma) who I hoped would adopt me, teach me her ways and tell me stories of her youth.

Well, at least one of those dreams has come true. I found my abuelita. Her name is Anita and she’s 76. She came to the shelter to accompany her daughter. She has a certain magic and holiness about her, like Mother Teresa or the willow tree in ‘Pocahontas’. We talked a lot about God and faith and love and she told me, with tears in her eyes, how her husband asked her to marry him 8 days after they met. At the wedding she wore a beautiful, home-made, white dress with a train so long it made her laugh to remember. Abuelita also told me all about her passion for cross-stitching, and how to make shoes from scrap for a family of ten. It made her light up to talk about the beautiful things she used to make. Yet oddly, though she appeared to be a goddess of all things domestic, she had never learned to knit. I had the great honor of teaching her.

Of course, I had no idea what abuelita was saying half the time because I’m still far from fluent…but that was absolutely perfect. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It was part of her mysteriousness. And even though I didn’t understand her words all the time, we understood each other because no matter what she said you could tell she was saying it with all the sincerity and affection in the world. Several times in a given day, abuelita would take my hands, pull me down to her level (she is probably four foot ten), kiss me on the cheek and say things like “Dios te pague, preciosa” (God will pay you, precious girl).

She was also very fond of Nic and would grab his hands and mine whenever we were both within reach to tell us that we made a beautiful couple and that we should get married because we would have a very happy marriage. She said it with authority and urgency as if she had the ability to prophesy marital success and she had to make sure we knew. She also asked to be invited to the wedding if it happened and I told her that if it did we’d have to have one on each side of the border so she could come.

When abuelita and her family moved out of the shelter into their new home last week it was bittersweet. I think it always will be when a family leaves. It’s what we want of course, and we are so happy and grateful to God whenever things fall into place so that they can start over…but when you live with someone for three months and grow to love them, it’s impossible not to be sad when you have to say goodbye.

In her new living room I hugged abuelita and told her how much I loved her and that I would miss her. She said the same but that we would always be together in our prayers. What a wonderful thing to say.

As far as my other romanticized expectations of life in Tijuana: Thursday, one of the gas station attendants came out just to say hi to me cause he recognized the van, Wednesday, Alicia is going to teach me how to make chile rellenos and flan, and though I haven’t gone as far as starting a choir I have tried to share music with the kids:

Answered prayers:
- 3 of the women and their families found jobs and were able to move out! (Rosalinda will also be getting a work vehicle from her employer/ fellow parishioner that she can use to get her kids to school! What a blessing.)

-Aprons have been selling like hotcakes. This is one of the reasons the women were able to move out! They earned enough money to pay rent. Thanks to everyone who is supporting them by buying aprons. They are $10 plus shipping and they make great x-mas gifts! Message me to order. Pictures: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/album.php?aid=2414461&id=3615813

- Nic has been the answer to my prayer for a fellow volunteer. He’s been coming down often to help out. The downside is he’s been able to do this because, despite his daily searching, applying and interviewing, he hasn’t been able to find work. His availability has been a huge blessing to me, but if he can’t find a job soon he may have to move back to the bay area. Please pray that God would give him a job so he can stay.

Prayer requests:
-I haven’t written in a while because I have been sick for 3 weeks now. I’ve been told by two doctors that it’s an ulcer and gastroenteritis. Amoeba and parasite tests came back negative but I’m told that sometimes they don’t show up. Please pray that I would get better/ find out what’s really wrong.

- Beto, who is five, has to give testimony on Nov. 23 about the ways his father molested him. He went once before but was too scared by the courtroom and being questioned to talk. The judge said to come back another day, but it is unreasonable to expect a five year old to be able to do this. Please pray that, as is sometimes allowed in the states, an alternative form of testimony (such as videotape from session with the psychologist) will be accepted. He said everything perfectly to the psychologist.

- Also pray for Beto’s father. He is clearly a very troubled man if he would abuse his son this way.

IMPORTANT: I can’t do this by myself. God has shown me that in a big way. You are all a part of this work. It is a team effort. So many people are supporting me spiritually (through prayer, listening when I need to talk, reading this and sending me notes of encouragement), physically (letting me stay the night or relax at your houses on days off, driving me around, feeding me), financially (giving donations and buying aprons).

So, I just want to acknowledge you…

Special thanks: Mom and Dad, Nic Holaday, all the guys at Woodys, The Longs, The Schellingers, The Haspers, Alex Moffitt, Donna Kottas, Ruth Gollings, Doug Carreiro, The Blazians, The Kuriharas, The Conklings, FBC Young Adults, Laurie Hicks, Alex Peters, my Aunt Ruth, Melissa Sepe, Adam Carter, The Keevers, Faithann Alley, Doris Alley, and everyone who has been praying for and thinking about me! Thank you!

New Photos!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2427391&id=3615813&l=ff037004c6

My achy, breaky heart

Sometimes, all you can do is cry.

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Today it was “time to weep.” I finally let it all hit me. It’s been welling up since I got here and I finally let it out.

I cried and cried for all the hurt people I live and work with...

I’m sad that things are like this. I’m sad that these women, who I have come to love so much, have been hurt by the very men who pledged to love and protect them. I’m sad that some of the boys at the shelter already seem so violent because they’re imitating their dads. I’m sad that trying to help is so hard and complicated that both of our administrators are feeling burnt out and my fellow volunteer, CJ, decided to return home this week.

At first crying made me feel weak…but I’ve come to see that it’s important. “There is a time for everything”. Even Jesus cried. He cried because he loved people and it hurt him to see them in pain.*

This week there have also been “times to dance” and “times to laugh.” On Friday, Nic and I were asked to chaperone a dance at the middle school where two of our Deborah’s House kids attend. We all danced like crazy and had a great time. The “time to laugh” was when “Achy, Breaky Heart,” by Garth Brooks came on, dubbed over in Spanish, and everyone started line dancing. It was one of those ridiculous moments in life. It made me laugh out loud. How did I get here? I never imagined this is what I would be doing…it’s amazing (and beautiful and funny) how life turns out.

Answered prayers:
- Ines got a job! (And a restraining order!)
- Church community! First Baptist Church in Chula Vista has continued to embrace and support Nic and I . It’s a beautiful group of people. http://www.fbccv.com/
-I have Health Insurance! (It’s expensive…but I have it. Thanks mom!)

Prayer requests:
- That God would provide me with fellow volunteer/s to take CJ’s place.
- That the shelter would be safe from fire. It’s fire season. The property in front of the shelter caught fire last week. We put it out, but it was scary because the shelter is made mostly of wood.
- That God would give all of us here at the shelter “a time for peace”

Photos!

Here are some pictures of the sewing project. The women are learning to sew aprons so they can save up enough money to start over with when they leave the shelter. The aprons have the Deborah's House logo on the front and they are all made from donated fabrics. If you would like to donate fabric or sewing materials, or purchase an apron ($10 each) just send me a message.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/album.php?aid=2414461&id=3615813

Here are some pictures of the surprise birthday party that the residents threw for Nic. Though they have so much to deal with themselves, they still manage to think of others. They are incredibly thoughtful and giving people.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2414490&id=3615813&l=2baa88c5e9

Thank you all for your support.

Love, Diondra

^*5Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus… ³³When Jesus saw her weeping [because Lazarus, her brother, had died], and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled… ³⁵Jesus wept.

John 11: 5, 33-35

"Cha Cha"

I've been given a lot of great nicknames in my life ( Punkin, Dio, Dinozaur, Dino, Diodactyl, "D.O. double G," Tiny) but I have to say, my favorite so far is "Cha Cha"

I have been dubbed "Cha Cha" by our two-year old at Deborah's House, Brisa*. Because Brisa is two and just learning to talk, she only says the ends of words. "Pelota"(ball) is "ota!", "Galleta" (cookie) is "eta!", and "Muchacha"(young woman) is "Cha Cha!"

So, according to Brisa... I am "Cha Cha" :)

In the mornings when I walk into the kitchen for breakfast and I'm greeted by this bundle of cuteness clinging to my leg while squealing "Cha Chaaa!!!", all I can do is thank God for leading me to this place. I am so honored to be a part of this little girl's life.

Moments like this one, so full of joy, happen often with the Deborah's House women and children...to the point where I sometimes have to remind myself what they've been through and why they're here. In the past few weeks we've been able to take them to the beach, to the movies** and to the Tijuana Cultural Center where we saw an Egyptian mummy exhibit. It's wonderful to see that despite the horrors they've faced, they can still laugh and play and the kids can still enjoy being kids.

The reality is:
Teresa is tired some days because dreams about her father trying to shoot her mother wake her up in the night and she can't get back to sleep. Rosalinda and her three pre-teen kids were completely uprooted from their lives and friends in southern Mexico taking nothing with them but the clothes on their backs when they fled. They spent three straight days on a bus to get to the shelter. Ines left her job as a teacher to come to the shelter when she found out that her husband wasn't just physically and psychologically abusing her, but sexually abusing their five year-old son as well. Now, as she's looking for a job so she can start over, no one is hiring. Her old boss is begging her to come back but she can't because her husband has already been there looking for her... Domestic abuse is so much more than black eyes and bruises. It can be a total loss of freedom.

But, as I said, despite all the pain they've suffered, they are resilient. The happy times we have together here and the smiles on their faces are a testament to that. I'm sure that in their private moments and in therapy they are wrestling with the sadness, hopelessness, fear and anxiety that their situations warrant...some of them, in their first weeks here, were even made physically ill by the stress. But while their bodies may tire, their spirits are incredibly strong.

Here is some photo evidence of their strength and resilience (i.e. us having fun doing stuff):
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2350404&id=3615813&l=a24c2aa9fb


Answered prayers:
- All the kids are in school! (except Teresa who can't go because she has to take care of her younger siblings :(...please pray that something can be worked out)
- Nic and I found a great church community! First Baptist Church in Chula Vista! http://www.fbccv.com/
- My Spanish is still improving!

Prayer requests:
- CJ and I have started teaching weekly English classes at the shelter! A local church has asked us to open it up to the public and teach at the church. We've never taught English before. haha. Please pray!
-At the request of the women I've started leading yoga and aerobics every morning. Please pray that this would be a relaxing, healing and stress relieving time for them. (Also, we don't have yoga mats, so if you have an old/extra one you'd like to send down, it's P.O. Box 777 Chula Vista, Ca 91912)
-Please pray for no more trouble at the border! Aduana (Mexican customs) confiscated our van and all the donations in it the Saturday before last... We finally got it back after a week full of paperwork, waiting in offices for hours, and paying a $1,000 fine. Our donations (and personal items including my favorite acid-washed jean jacket!) are gone forever. We violated a law that had only been enforced for 8 days, so we didn't know about it yet...now we do.
-Safety and health. As of last week I have no health insurance because I'm no longer a student...so now is not the time to get sick or hurt :/

*I've changed the names for safety purposes
** We took 7 people to the movies and bought 7 cokes for only $23! Outings like this are every bit as important as traditional therapy. When you've been forced to give up your entire way of life and live in a shelter it's essential to do things that restore a feeling of "normalcy" sometimes.

Pictures :)

-The kids found out I like yoga and asked me to teach them some!


- We went to the beach in Rosarito! It was our first "fun day" outside the shelter in at least 3 weeks. We can't go out much because every time we do there is the risk that someone might recognize one of the women and follow us back to the shelter. Their husbands are looking for them. So, days like this are precious. Everyone was really excited :)
















- We took the older kids to the movies!

Michael Jackson: Still "healing the world"

So, I've been here two weeks now and I love it. Remember that family that arrived my first day? Well, they are all settled in and the oldest girl and I have bonded thoroughly over our shared love of Michael Jackson ( may he rest in peace). We spend a portion of each day translating his songs into Spanish. In the process, I learn new words en español and she learns new words in English. It's great. I love hearing her sing "Heal de woooorld, make eet a bedder place" around the house. That's her favorite song.

I have loved Michael Jackson since before this girl was born. Mostly because he's so cool (or so couch king cool, I should say ;) ) But writing out the lyrics to "Heal the World"was enlightening. It's actually a very spiritual song filled with Christian and other religious ideals:

Theres a place in Your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could Be much
Brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try, Youll find theres no need To cry
In this place youll feel
Theres no hurt or sorrow

If you want to know why
Theres a love that Cannot lie
Love is strong, It only cares for Joyful giving (Luke 3:10-11*)
If we try, We shall see
In this bliss We cannot feel Fear or dread
We stop existing and Start living

And the dream we were Conceived in Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we Once believed in Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep
Strangling life
Wound this earth
Crucify its soul
Though its plain to see, This world is heavenly
Be gods glow

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart, I feel you are all My brothers
Create a world with No fear
Together we'll cry Happy tears
See the nations turn Their swords Into plowshares (Micah 4:3**)

I know there are more scriptures from various religions that relate..but I don't have time to find them :) But aren't those great lyrics?? And all this time I didn't know they were there. My love for Michael Jackson has a new depth.

There is a reason "Heal the World" is her favorite song. For a girl who has been through abuse I can't imagine...it is healing and comforting to sing about a place where "there's no need to cry" and "there's no hurt or sorrow." It's not just Michael Jackson she's attracted to, it is the truth embedded in his words that speaks of God's healing love for her, the promise of a better tomorrow and the inherent beauty of the world, despite it's brokenness. It gives her hope.
Me too :)

Answered prayers:
- My Spanish is getting better! (but please keep praying!)
- I was granted a Trusted Traveler card that allows me to cross in the express lane.
- We have been allowed to cross three times with donations without being charged
(usually there is a tax)
- Some monetary support has been coming in (Thank you! Please keep praying for this!)

Prayer requests:
-That all the kids would be able to go to school (there is a lack of space and money and in one case a girl has been unable to attend for a year because she had to help take car of her baby sister, and now she is scared to go back because she is so behind...please pray that she would find the courage and that I can help her review somehow so she feels more confident)
- The van is making unsettling noises. We were told we need to change out all the fluids and it will cost $300. We can't afford it. Please pray that the money would come and that we don't break down in the meantime.
- CJ and I are road-tripping to L.A. tomorrow to pick up more donations. Please pray for safe travels and that we would be able to cross again without being charged.
- That God would give me wisdom about Grad school. I'm thinking of waiting another year to apply so that I don't lose focus here. I want to be available.

Highlights: Vocab lesson from a 2 year old (no joke, very humbling :), Atole (hot horchata) is my new fav drink, learning/watching the whole Deb's House family try to learn how to make bird calls around the dinner table, COLORING

*The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.

**He will judge between many peoples and will settle disputes for strong nations far and wide. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore.

Day 1

When I drove into the shelter today I was met by five little boys ages 3-9. As soon as I opened the car door they were clamoring to help me move in. Some of them were grabbing boxes that probably weighed as much as they did. I was completely settled in about ten minutes thanks to their help :) Later they took turns telling me the others were in love with me, giggling, and pushing each other.

We currently have four women at the shelter, each with 2-3 children. In total there are now 19 people living here. One of the families arrived midday today..which presented me with one of my bigger fears about this year: How am I supposed to comfort someone who has just fled her home and her husband and attempt to make her feel comfortable in a new and strange place ...in very bad Spanish? Normally Cari and Alicia, the administrators, would handle this...but they were both out when the family arrived...so there we all were sitting awkwardly in the living room..."Puuueeeees (wellllllllll), esta es la sala..."
Thank goodness I'm used to being awkward.

Highlights of the day: doing a puzzle with a two year old, moving a bunk bed, carrot soup, dog fight outside my window as I type, teaching four little boys 'go fish', confusing clean towels with feminine products because they're called 'toallas sanitarias'.
oops :) ... the first of many, I'm sure.